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A while back, my pal Christopher Andrews asked if I wanted to make an appearance in his independent film series, Duet.
The part he offered was a drunk, belligerent Jew. As these are all things I am or am widely believed to be, I accepted the part.
I have a really small role, and I don't show up until episode three, but the first episode is now up, if you want to see the work of people who are much, much better actors than I am.
My baby pictures are hilarious, because I am cross-eyed in all of them. As I grew up, the problem "corrected itself," and my eyes only started to cross if I was very tired or drunk.
Lately the problem has been worsening, so I saw my eye doctor about it. He said that the problem is called strabismus, and that it never really went away. Over the years, I just got used to working around eyes that didn't quite point the same direction. He highly recommended that I go and have a consultation with an opthamologist he knows to see about correcting the problem.
For the purposes of this story, let's call the opthamologist "Dr. Brash." Because he was. In the continuing sitcom of my life, this was one of the more unbelievable chapters.
So now I don't know quite what to do. My regular eye doctor does think that Dr. Brash is the best person to do this surgery, and Dr. Brash certainly agrees. On the one hand, I am not a medical professional, and it makes sense to go with the doctors' opinions. On the other hand, this doctor is an asshole. And on the third hand, even if I did want to have the surgery, odds are I can't afford it anyway.
I don't really have a question. I just wanted to write this all down while it was still fresh in my mind. Any thoughts?
As your adviser in this matter, I would encourage all of you Disney Channel subscribers to set your VCRs to tape the Wizards of Waverly Place episode "No Fear" airing on August 8, 2009.
So I got some Bigs Sunflower Seeds to review for the magazine, and, I feel stupid, but I have to ask:
How are you supposed to eat sunflower seeds?
I mean, they're all covered with flavor (bacon, pickle, etc.) which seems to be just sprayed on the shell. The inner part just tastes like a sunflower seed.
But if you eat the whole thing, shell and all, it feels like you're chewing a mouthful of twigs.
I guess maybe you're supposed to crack them in your teeth so you taste the shell but don't eat it? If so, what's the point in eating the tiny seed inside? Are these for people who like chewing and spitting but don't actually care to fill their stomachs?
Then there's two more in the Random Reviews on pages 78 and 80, scattered amongst text describing Miracle Frooties, NERF N-Force Swords, Print-N-Frame, Virtual Figure ARis, Charcoal Natural Face Pack, and ViBook.
Do you want your product punctuated with my puss? Send it here: Geek Monthly Attn: Random Reviews 29219 Canwood St. Suite 100 Agoura Hills, CA 91301
Wow, can you believe it's May already? And with May comes the brand new edition of Geek Monthly, with J.J. Abrams on the cover. I wonder if that new Star Trek movie is going to be good. Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Anyway, if you somehow got this issue early, you may have noticed that I wrote a bunch of stuff in it.
I get unusually close to the front of the magazine with a high-concept travel-magazine piece on the Star Trek Mirror Universe on pages 48 and 49.
There's an interview I did with the brains behind SuperNews on page 55.
And, of course, Random Reviews on pages 78 and 80, this month featuring the Pink Ouija board, Fukola Cola, Tiramisu Kit Kat, Nyaund Nikukyu Strap, Pineapple Sof Drink, and Larvets.
You got something for me to stick in my review hole? Stick it here: Geek Monthly Attn: Random Reviews 29219 Canwood St. Suite 100 Agoura Hills, CA 91301
Special-effects technology has finally become so realistic and well-integrated that it no longer distracts you from realizing what a shitty movie you're watching.
In fact, I thought the T-800 was way more convincing than Common was. "Nice read, Common! Now let's try acting this time..."
We just watched that Star Trek movie, and it was the most bullshit, boring thing ever. Don't waste your time on this load of sluggish nonsense punctuated with dated gags.
Wait, I guess I should clarify: We just watched Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. The new J.J. Abrams Star Trek movie was completely awesome in every way, despite the protests from fans...
