If you're an old friend who's wondering what I've been up to lately, you've come to the right place. If you're a curious stranger who wants to know more about me, you've also come to the right place. If you're a pervert looking for naked pictures of Melissa Joan Hart, sorry, you've come to the wrong place.
You can use the menu to the left to explore my past and present projects, or check out my journal below to see exactly what's bothering me today. To view memorable entries by category, click here. For your convenience, my journal may also be accessed through RSS, Atom, or LiveJournal.com.
You're a smart bunch, well versed in religion and folklore. I've got a question for you.
How many "gateways to the afterlife" can you think of in different cultures? I'm interested in specific gateways between life and death (even if the actual location is vague), not broad concepts like, "You die and then go to Heaven."
For example: Greek - crossing the River Styx leads to Hades. Islam - crossing the bridge of As-Sirat leads to Paradise. Norse - crossing the bridge of Gjallarbru leads to Hel.
I don't know if this girl can act, or if she can speak English for that matter, but with eyes like that* I'm not sure it matters. She's cast.
* From the Permuted Press edition, page 19: Sherri’s [dead, expressionless eyes] were a whispered shade of blue so pale and empty that she looked like an alien, or a heroin addict, or both. Something about them masked any hint of a living soul beyond their glassy surface, and when she insulted you, it felt like the television had just called you a crazy bastard, and to argue would only prove it right.
As you may have guessed from my recent lack of Geek Monthly updates, Geek is no more. Fusion Publishing officially declared bankruptcy on February 1, 2010, dashing the hopes of subscribers and contributors looking for magazines and paychecks.
Before the last engine exploded and the magazine went down in a ball of flame, I submitted a holiday gift guide edition of my monthly Random Reviews column for the December 2009 issue. Since they're never going to see print, I may as well post them here. Enjoy.
You've heard me rave about the sandwiches at Capriotti's, which I firmly believe to be the greatest food in Las Vegas.
Well, it's time to loosen your belts, Los Angeles, because Capriotti's just came to Beverly Hills.
The place just opened today, and Amanda and I were there with faces ready to be stuffed. And stuffed they were. There had to be 27 people working in the tiny shop, every one of them eager to apply their carefully learned sandwich artistry toward the common goal of face stuffery.
But were the sandwiches as good as they are in Vegas? Oh hells yes they are. Now that we've got our own Capriotti's and Star Trek: The Experience is closed, I'm finding it difficult to justify that next seven hour drive across the desert.
I'm glad that I didn't make any weight-loss resolutions this year. I'm married and there's a Capriotti's 15 minutes away. All bets are off. Get me some sweatpants...
After years of hype, the "Google Phone" was finally unveiled, which was totally new and exciting and looked nothing like an iPhone. Exactly nothing exactly like it at all.
The thing that really struck me about this chart was the last line, "Average total plan costs."
Both the iPhone and the Droid are kissing $1,500 a year for service? Seriously? Holy crap, smartphonesters. Is it really worth it just to be able to shake your phone and have it tell you someplace you don't really want to go for lunch and then post that to your Facebook?
My shitty Virgin Mobile phone may have shitty apps and shitty Internet connection speed and a shitty camera and shitty call quality, but my service only cost $510. Total... since 2007.
Virgin Mobile should stop trying to market their phones to young, edgy hipsters and admit that they're the cellular network for anti-social hermits who need a rudimentary emergency lifeline to the outside world.
Virgin Mobile: We're there for you when you're desperate enough to actually make a phone call. Maybe.
Every Christmas since 1983, right next to the massive Scientology center on Hollywood Boulevard, confused tourists and weirdo celebrities alike have enjoyed the snow-covered spectacle of L. Ron Hubbard's Winter Wonderland. Last night Amanda and I joined them.
The whole thing really wasn't what I was expecting. I thought the festive trappings would be, well, a trap. I figured once we broke through the tinsel-thin sheen of holiday cheer we would be bombarded with "stress tests" and "E-meters" and "loving Katie Holmes." What we discovered, however, was that L. Ron Hubbard's Winter Wonderland is actually just one bounce house short of being a Mexican kid's birthday party.
There was a piñata, a churro cart, a clown making balloon animals, a terrible caricature artist, and a seemingly endless stream of children doing the worst karaoke imaginable. You may think that I am being unnecessarily harsh, but after Amanda and I took the stage and belted out "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year," we were asked to do an encore. This has never happened. Ever.
Anyway, here's a little 360 video tour of the Winter Wonderland that I shot and annotated with those annoying pop-up things.
Although the whole thing is as benign as a mall Santa display, many people get all up in arms because it is a Scientology-sponsored event that blatantly rides the coattails of Christian tradition. As I stood there—listening to a (presumed) Scientologist singing "O Holy Night" next to a 60-foot Christmas tree wearing an L. Ron Hubbard quote and a Santa handing out copies of The Way to Happiness—I couldn't help but agree. I mean, what kind of religion has to lure followers by hijacking existing holiday traditions?
I'm going to guess that none of you subscribers have received the December issue of Geek Monthly. Neither have I. Heck, I never even saw November in print, or October, so some of you are luckier than I am.
As you may have guessed from my increasingly desperate and hostile tone in these monthly magazine updates, things are not well at Geek HQ. Unfortunately (though I am a senior editor), I work from my home office, so I am just as out of the loop as you subscribers are. But I do want to share what little information I have gleaned, as Fusion Publishing seems to have closed the doors on their bunker in hopes that we'll all just go away, subscribers and contributors alike.
I've been hearing a lot of subscribers complain that the folks at Fusion are not sending you your magazines or returning your calls. On that issue, we're in the same boat, and I feel your pain. But, whereas they owe you a few magazines, they owe me a few magazines and almost an entire year's worth of paychecks. Sadly, at this point I think the only way any of us are getting what we're owed is through a lawsuit.
I don't know if the December issue ever went to press. If it did, it is almost certainly the last issue of Geek. There have been some vague suggestions that the magazine is "on hiatus" until Fusion can "get it back on track," but I personally hold little hope for a resurrection.
This whole thing deeply saddens me. I've been with Geek since issue one. Heck, I've been with Geek longer than Fusion has. I think we all understand that this has been a harsh year economically, and not every business will pull through. I do, however, think that Fusion has an obligation to at least make an announcement to its subscribers and staff, even if that announcement is, "Sorry, we're closed. No refunds." Or in my case, "Thanks for all the free work, chump."
If you've got something to say on this matter, feel free to say it in the comments. I don't know that it'll help anything, but at least we can all feel like we're in this together.
